Don't settle for second best. Ever.

I heard a fascinating conversation the other day on the train. Two girls, both about 15 or 16, discussing their love lives. Naturally, I listened in.

One of them hadn't spoken to her boyfriend for days, and was concerned that he had not been in touch. "He just doesn't seem bothered," she lamented. Hmmm.

The other had text hers and he hadn't responded. So they were discussing how and when they would next be in touch with their chaps.

One said: "Text him, and if he doesn't text you back by 11, ring him."

The other responded: "OK. Text (whatever his name was) again and see if he replies."

Sitting behind them, craning to hear every word, I felt very old fashioned. For my first thoughts were: "If you have to work that hard to get in touch with him and he's not willingly calling or texting you back, then surely he can't be that arsed about you or the relationship." Anyone disagree?

It's all very well, this "women are the same as men when it comes to relationships" malarkey. NOT to be confused with feminism, which involves entirely different concerns. The thing is, I don't think we are the same.

Women text and ring not just because they want to, but because they are generally better than men at communicating and keeping up with texts. They make and return phonecalls out of courtesy, manners and being good proactive communicators - as well as wanting to. Men, on the other hand? My opinion is that they only call and text people - indeed, they only speak - when they have something they feel is worth saying, and to someone they genuinely want to speak to.

Men don't tend to ring their mates for a chat. Phonecalls and texts are on a strictly 'only-what's-necessary' basis. So when they have a girlfriend they're only half-arsed about, why would he text or ring? He isn't that bothered.

On the other hand, it's quite obvious when a guy likes you because he does text and call - matching and exceeding your efforts. They're quite simple creatures, really. If he likes you, he shows it. If he isn't fussed, it's also quite obvious: you won't hear from him.

I've done all the cryptic philosophy: "Maybe he's shy," "He's doing this so he feels in control," and "He can't bring himself to show that he likes me." After 23 years, I now embrace the lessons I have learnt: if he doesn't call or text, it's because he does not particularly want to speak to you. For whatever reason. It doesn't matter. Move on!

The girls on the train would have done well to realise this. From listening to their conversation for a mere 10 minutes, it was quite obvious that they did all the chasing in their relationships, not cottoning on to the fact that they were being ignored and basically treated quite badly. I'm not blaming the guys. The girls let them do it!

This has nothing to do with mind games or being a scary control freak. This is about being with someone who likes you and values your presence in their life enough to MAKE AN EFFORT. If they don't, it's one of two things. 1). They don't like you enough to make the effort. 2). They are lazy.

Would you really want someone with either of these problems in your life? You'd end up running around after them, arranging dates, calling them, initiating sex, looking for a house, arranging the wedding....need I go on? How someone acts in the early days is often indicative of how they'll be long term (in fact, whatever their faults are will probably get worse with time).

So if you're with someone with no gumption and you feel like being in your relationship is like having another job (he never texts, he never calls, he never arranges anything, he never makes the first move)...you're flogging a dead horse. Get out while you still can and don't settle until you've found someone who is willing to make the effort.

We're not in an age where we have to 'make do' with our life partners anymore. So don't settle for someone who isn't bothered about you. It's pointless, and you'll only come out of it feeling worse.

I feel a 'Single life is great' hymn coming on! I'll save that for next week.

Ciao x